Rush

I just saw a photo posted by my high school best friend ,
A 6 months anniversary photo,
I don't even know they are together ,
I feel like a lousy friend ,
sometimes it really not that I don't want to care,
I hate it when people get irritated by me ,
So I rather not care ,
If you were to talk to me first I am fine and happy,
but I just don't have the intention,
more like I am afraid to make the first step to talk with anyone.

If u have known me for a long time ,
or if u are close to me ,
I always get jealous whenever my friends are in relationship,
I don't hate being single,
I am being a +1 ,
I hate people thinking me as a duff(Designated Ugly Fat Friend ),
Even though I am not fat but I have insecurities ,
I am afraid that my insecurity will be others laughing stock,
I hate the fact that why it's not me ,
I hate that there isn't anyone who is by myself,
this is why I am angry.

But this time ,
It's so different ,
Instead, this time I am happy for my high school best friend,
I truly am ,
I am glad that she have found him .


I guess I have grown so much since my previous relationship and the past one year ,
The people around is different as well,
My college close friends are all still single,
And I guess this have given me some comfort ,
So I am alright ! :)
lOver the past year I have learned that  ,
fate will occur anytime at any place ,
even if you aren't expecting it ,
you are never too old to start a relationship or find someone need
and sometimes not all relationship lasts.

When I was in high school ,
I did a huge mistake,
I choose to be with someone that like me because the person that I like doesn't like me back ,
We dated because I was selfish ,lonely and I needed his affection,
I tried to like him I really did ,
He knew He knew I tried ,
But we only dated for a little while ,
He was a player ,
He immediately fall for someone else,
This whole thing ended up so badly ,
We ended up not talking anymore ,

But it's okay ,
I have learned let it go a long time ago ,
I have come to realizing a long time ago ,
It's okay for relationship to not last,
Don't ever rush into a relationship no matter what ,
Attitude ,seeing the same goals and effort always come first before physical appearance .

It's even okay if nobody like you ,
It's better to be lonely than to be with the wrong company .


I would lie ,
I would say I don't like anyone ,
In college ,1 years six months,
I meet many new people ,
I was attracted to different people who doesn't like me back ,
There are some people who have show affection for me who wasn't for me ,
there are people that are just friends all this while ,
Some people who don't talk to me anymore for I don't know why ,
For now ,I am liking someone who probably doesn't like me back ,
he is a gentleman he really is ,
he has a good temper and always treat people around him well,
we shared so many interests and we kinda have any similarity ,
he sings (although he doesn't have the best voice) listening to his voice always made me feel safe ,
that's why I like him ,
I wanted it to be us so badly .
But he could have so many girls better than me ,
why would he even consider me ?
I mean seriously I am not hoping for anything .
I guess he will remain as my facebook and snap chat friend .

It's okay ,I will be fine .
This time I am not rushing .