Duff

I think part of me is dying or already died .

Maybe all this wouldn't happen if its not for acne 

I know ,I know acne is healing ,

Nowadays I only got 1-2 active spots in my face 

or someday even clear 

I still have scars but i hope it will go away fast .

long story short no grandma story today ,

I am feeling down again lately.

I don't want to brag

 but I used to be kinda popular during high school,

not because of money of beauty ,

but I transfer school 

so everyone consider me as new student ,

that's y I am popular .

I have had lot of attention.

Despite being in girl school for 4 years ,

in high school most of my life I was chased after by boys from other schools,

somehow, there's just people that choose to like me ,

I don't know why they choose me ,

But because of that I feel pretty ,

I feel secure . 

But most of the time I never accepted love ,

simply because 

most of the time ,

people that I like don't like me back ,

and people that like me is another story .

I never realized all this until this few days ,

sorry to all those people that i have hurt,

I know i used to be so selfish ,

 But I used to go spend time with someone when I think they like me ,

I want them to like me ,

I want to be love by people ,

i wanted to be someone else center of attraction ,

 You can say I really dont have luck in love ,

I used to be immature and selfish ,

I used to think that I need to be the attention ,

even if its not from the person that i like , 

selfish much ? I know

All i do now is apologize and apologize.

Saying sorry is not enough especially for those whom I have deeply hurt,

Some of my friends ask me choose not to care ,

They say it was not my fault for them to like me,

but deeply I knew it was my fault ,

I was the selfish one ,

By reading this i hope some of you might forgive me,

or maybe all this will at least make you feel a bit better, 

I did get my karma ,I guess ,

I had acne then ,

I tried to accept love ,

but he broke my heart .

Lately I have been feeling down again,

I  am being DUFF,

 I know you would believe if you happen to love me before ,

*haters back off*

But its really I am being duff so terribly this month ,twice 

believe it or not ?  

I don't even believe it myself :(

before entering college I never ever been duff .

Or maybe just one time la as I could remember ,

which made me sad for months .

After entering college ,

*sadly counting * 

I think I have been duff at least 5 times in 3 semesters,

the fuck ,

I don't want to be duff anymore ,

I hated the fact that I am not queen me anymore (joking :P)

really this is what I have been sad about:(

I know not like I will say yes to all these 5 people 

but I just hated the feeling .

Not like no one like me in this 3 semesters ,

I just somehow don't feel right 

and most of all hated the feeling of being DUFF .

Maybe age and acne made me hate the feeling of being duff so much ,

but 

life goes on right ,

I know this entry ,

dont really have a point ,

just mainly ranting on me being duff ,

and how I hated the feeling . 



-Jolin-